


Aphelion

by foxiea



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Guardians, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, Janna-centric, Loss, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 23:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15695736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxiea/pseuds/foxiea
Summary: Those chosen by The First Star all share the same destiny.  Janna wonders if they will also share the same doom.My contribution to UNITED: A Star Guardian Zine!





	Aphelion

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to Ash for putting UNITED: A Star Guardian Zine together! It was a total blast to take part in, and I loved having the opportunity to explore Janna's character within that universe. Thank you also to both Aggression and Selen for their beta work; this wouldn't have come together without your help.

Janna sleeps with the light on.  It started as a feeble attempt to chase away the darkness of her nightmares, but it never quite worked.

 

The nightmares lock her in a cage of memories, squeeze her heart in a vice as every mistake, every small thing she could have done differently, is dredged up and laid bare in front of her.

 

Night after night she watches Orianna crouch over the great gash in the earth and peer in.  Waves of sickly purple ooze slosh out from the chasm, pulsing with light where it sticks to Orianna’s skin.  The Void glows, eerie and iridescent. If it weren’t for the destruction Janna had witnessed from its inhabitants, she might have considered the sight beautiful.

 

It happens all at once.  Orianna turns back with wide, fearful eyes.  A massive snake-like creature slithers out from the rift.  Orianna’s lips move, but her words are drowned out by a shrill, otherworldly roar; the battle cry of a predator.  Baron Nashor looms at least ten foot tall, and Janna can do nothing but watch as the creature snaps its jaws and a cluster of spikes shoot up from the ground to impale Orianna's limbs.

 

Janna remembers how she screamed.

 

Night after night she watches Thresh chase after Orianna.  The _schlop_ of his boots slapping against the ooze echoes in her ears.  Varus grips her shoulders painfully tight, his nails digging grooves into her skin.

 

"You have to run," he tells her.  "Get out of here, we'll deal with this alone."

 

Janna's eyes flicker over to Orianna, to the way she writhes on the ground, to Thresh as he advances desperately towards her.  Varus doesn't wait for her to respond. "Go," he says, and then he's gone too, arrow nocked faster than the eye can see as he draws the bowstring taut and aims for the Baron's many eyes.  Varus knows far more about the Void than she does. He wouldn’t tell her to flee without good reason.

 

This is the part where Janna runs, where she hears the cries of pain echoing behind her but doesn't turn back, doesn't dare look for fear of what she might see.  This is the part where Janna leaves her teammates to die. But in this dream, Janna doesn't run. Varus lowers his bow. Orianna stops screaming.

 

There's a flash of pink rushing through the sky towards them, burning bright and fast, and now it's the Baron that's screeching and writhing as the pink light sears its flesh.  The monster retreats back into the Void with a final wounded howl, and the four of them — Orianna, Thresh, Varus, and Janna — gaze up at the winking pink light and say a silent thanks.  Her teammates vanish, and then it’s just Janna, and the light curling around her body in a warm embrace.

 

When Janna wakes from the dream she makes for the window.  The sky is covered in patches of cloud, but there are still stars visible.  She searches for a trace of the pink starlight from her dreams. There's nothing out there, but she recognises the sign for what it means — the awakening of a Star Guardian. Someone new has accepted the Call.

 

Janna reaches out, as if the window pane might disappear and allow her to touch the night sky.  Her fingers glance against the glass. In the distance, a star blinks out.

* * *

   
Lux, the new Guardian, is every bit the shining star.  Janna can see at a glance how bright she burns, how the light bursts forth whenever she smiles.

 

It reminds her of Orianna, of how she burned the brightest just before she died.  Since that day, Janna's own starlight has been reduced to a dim coal smouldering in the clutch of her heart.

 

Sometimes, when Lux flashes a smile her way, it ignites a spark inside of her.  But striking flint against stone isn't enough to start a fire where there's no tinder, and Janna has become too intimate with grief to grow attached so easily.  Not now, not when she knows the reality of what being a Star Guardian entails.

 

"How do you know so much about all this?" Lux asks her one night.

 

Janna is supposed to be mentoring her, teaching her to harness the energy of the stars.  Instead, they're lying on a hill at the edge of town, looking up at the sky. Janna has shown her Orion, Perseus, Cassiopeia; taught her to join the dots between the constellations.

 

"I look at the stars to feel less lonely," Janna confesses.  It’s a half-truth. "It seemed only right that I should get to know my friends."

 

She doesn't tell Lux how many nights she spent searching the night sky for a trace of Orianna's golden glow, Thresh's green, Varus' crimson; how she has mapped the stars out so thoroughly to see if her friends would appear among them.  They never did, but Janna picked out a gap between Taurus and Aries and named it in their honour — Astraea.

 

The touch of Lux's hand on hers draws Janna out of her reminiscence.  Lux laces their fingers together and squeezes, brief, reassuring. She’s smiling when Janna turns to look at her.  Not the bright, dazzling smile she usually wears. This one is softer, bathing Janna in a gentle warmth.

 

"You don't have to be lonely anymore," Lux tells her.

 

Her words should reassure Janna, but instead they lodge a shard of icy fear in her chest.  They remind her that Lux has no idea of the terror of the Void, the weight of a Star Guardian’s burden.  She’s the same age Janna was when the First Star called her, with the same hopeful naiveté.

 

Janna pulls her hand away.

* * *

  
It isn’t long before more Star Guardians hear the Call.

 

Janna is too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice without the guidance of her dreams, but Lux shows up one day with two girls in tow.  Lulu is bubbly and bright-eyed, and Poppy…

Poppy is in Janna’s science class.  Janna should have noticed, should have recognised the signs, should have warned her before she accepted this responsibility without knowing what she was getting into.  It’s one more thing to add to her long list of regrets.

 

They eat lunch together at school — Lux’s idea — and it’s getting harder and harder for Janna to keep her heart closed to them.  Lux gushes about her family, about her older brother who’s always looking out for her. Poppy tells them about her dog, Hero, and all the tricks she can do.  Lulu shows off pictures of her plant garden. She’s named a flower for each of them.

 

Getting to know them — as real people, with lives outside of their duty — is painful.  They each have so much to live for. She has no family, no pets, no flowers to tend to, no one to miss her when she’s gone.  It’s just her, and the guilt that chains her heart.

Janna’s nightmares grow less frequent.  Instead she dreams of lights. Pink, blue, pastel green; all dancing around her, inviting her to join them.  Janna reaches out to touch them, then draws her hand back immediately. She can’t, not like this. Not when she hasn’t told them the truth.  

 

Her heart aches.  The lights flicker.

* * *

  
“I dreamed about a red star,” Poppy says at lunch.

 

Janna doesn’t pay much attention until Lux pipes up, “Me too.  The four of us, we were falling, but the red star saved us.” Her expression is distant, like she’s still in that dream.

 

Lulu peers up at Janna with wide eyes.  “Did you dream it too?”

 

Janna nods.  It’s easier than lying out loud.  “It means there’s a new Star Guardian joining us soon,” she tells them.  The others burst into eager speculation — who she might be, what powers she might have — and Janna plasters a smile on her face.  She pretends she’s listening, but really she’s deliberating on why she didn’t share in their dreams, what that means for her connection to the stars.

* * *

  
They find the red star in Jinx, Lux’s childhood friend.

 

Jinx seems to consider herself a sun, the centre of her own universe.  She’s fiery and explosive, a supernova of emotion. Everything she does is loud and colourful. Whether that’s by design or by nature Janna doesn’t know.  

 

She’s quick in battle and an eager fighter; a valuable asset to the team.  But there are some growing pains as she settles into her role. She’s impulsive, fighting using her instincts rather than employing any sort of strategy.  It works for her, but more defensive fighters like Janna and Lulu can’t keep up. Thankfully Lux is able to reign her in.

 

Lux has grown more confident in her decisions, as if inspired by her presence.  She settles into the leadership role naturally with Jinx by her side. It’s a relief for Janna not to have to bear that burden, not to ask them to put so much trust in her when she hardly trusts herself.  She prefers to guide rather than lead.

 

* * *

  
It’s a delicate balancing act, trying to mentor this new team without getting too close, without letting anything painful slip through the cracks.  And somewhere along the way, Janna must get the balance wrong, because she doesn’t realise Jinx is teetering on the edge of leaving until it’s too late.

 

Sometimes Jinx forgets that being part of a team means working together, looking out for each other, but Janna knows there’s no malice in her actions.  Something in her life has taught her to look out for herself above anyone else, and Janna can’t fault her for that. She feels the same way.

 

It was a careless mistake.  Jinx broke formation in the middle of battle and left Lulu vulnerable.  No one was hurt — some sixth sense alerted Janna to the voidlings flanking them, but if it hadn’t been for that…  A shudder ripples through her at the thought.

 

As soon as they’ve successfully pushed back the voidlings and sealed the rift, Poppy rounds on Jinx.

 

“Why did you break formation like that?” She demands.

 

“Relax, Shortstop.  It worked, didn’t it?”  Jinx is the picture of nonchalant, blowing gum into a bubble that bursts with a loud pop. Kuro and Shiro perch on her shoulder like angel and devil caricatures.

 

“And what if it hadn’t?” Poppy counters, taking a step towards Jinx.  Her grip tightens around her hammer. “Lulu could have been hurt.”

 

Lulu lifts a hand as if to reach out to Poppy, but Janna stops her.  Lulu might not understand the danger she was in, but Janna does. She knows what even a careless mistake can lead to.

 

Jinx rolls her eyes.  She blows another bubble, bigger this time, and waits for it to pop before she responds.  "I took out the big guy. No big guy, no fight. _You’re welcome._ "

 

"You can't keep doing whatever you want.”  Poppy shakes her head. “We have a duty-"

 

“Duty, schmuty,” Jinx interjects.

 

“We have a _duty_ ,” Poppy continues, “to protect the Universe, and that starts with protecting each other.  If you want to be a Star Guardian, you need to start taking things seriously.”

 

Jinx flinches visibly at that, and Lux quickly steps between them to diffuse the situation.  "Hey now, there's no need for things to get so heated. How about we get some ice cream to celebrate?  We can talk about this later." She puts on her best smile, the kind that's hard to say no to.

 

"You agree with her then?" Jinx asks, gesturing at Poppy, whose face has settled into a scowl.  Jinx’s own eyes have narrowed dangerously.

 

Lux's smile fades, and she glances between the two of them helplessly.  "I..." she says.

 

Jinx arches an eyebrow and scoffs.

 

"I can't believe this," she says, and turns on her heel.  "Whatever. I'm done."

 

"Jinx, wait!" Lux pleads.  “I didn’t— I’m sorry.” Her hand finds Jinx's wrist, stopping her in her tracks.  Jinx pauses for a moment — just long enough to shoot a glare back in her direction — before wrenching her arm out of Lux's grip.

 

"Find yourself a new Star Guardian," she spits.

 

Lux winces at the words.  She watches Jinx retreat, her arm still stretched out and reaching long after Jinx’s figure has disappeared from view.  Later, when Poppy and Lulu have left, she confides in Janna.

 

"I don't know what to do," she says, hiccuping as the tears stream down her face.  "I don't know how to be a leader."

 

Janna pulls her into a hug.  She brushes her fingers through Lux's hair, matted and mussed up from their earlier battle.  Lux clings to her desperately, like Janna is the only thing stopping her from drowning.

 

"Can't you lead us instead, Janna?" She asks between sobs.  “You know so much more about this than I do."

 

Janna shakes her head as Lux's fingers tangle in the fabric of her jacket.  It feels like they’re tangling in her heart as well, but Janna can do nothing for her except listen.

 

"I'm sorry," she whispers.  She doesn’t know what else to say, how to apologise for all the things she can’t do; the person she can’t be.

 

Lux only cries harder.

* * *

  
Several more rifts open in the weeks after Jinx's departure.  They adjust their formation, and manage to defeat them each time. But being a member down makes things more difficult.  The fights begin to take their toll. In Janna’s dreams, each shade of starlight spins in its own orbit.

 

It's not just in battle that they feel the loss of Jinx.  Lux has grown more distant since that day, less confident in her decisions.  Sometimes when they're eating lunch, her face will light up and she'll start to say something, only to realise Jinx isn't there.  She excuses herself for a few minutes whenever it happens, and Janna notices the red tinge to her eyes when she returns, the puffy skin around them.

 

Janna doesn't try to comfort her.  Lux hasn't been avoiding her, but she also hasn't sought her out for advice or as a confidant since that night she broke down in tears.  It might be better this way she thinks, for Lux to treat her as a teammate but not a friend, to unblur the lines of their relationship. If Lux does it first, perhaps Janna can follow suit.

 

If Lulu and Poppy notice the change in Lux, they don't bring it up.  Poppy had tried to apologise to Lux after it happened, to explain it wasn't her intention, but Lux stopped her and told her she had nothing to be sorry for.  Now it's as if there's an unspoken rule not to mention Jinx, in case it might snap the fragile tension between them and send them all scattering into orbit.

 

But that isn't the only tension they feel.  There's something coming, something big. Janna can feel it in the air whenever they battle, a foreboding atmosphere that makes the hair at the nape of her neck stand on edge.  The voidling swarms are getting larger, faster, stronger. They're preparing for something, an arrival of some sort.

 

Janna can't say she trusts the First Star's judgement, that she believes it cares for any of the Guardians it chooses.  She’s been questioning her faith in it for some time now. But still, she finds herself prostrating at the window as the starlight washes over her, hands clasped together in prayer, begging for any forces of good that exist in the cosmos to protect them from this great threat.

 

* * *

  
If there are any forces of good out there, they either choose not to listen, or they just don't care.  It's mere days later that another rift opens, spilling forth purple ooze that wilts the grass around it and covering the sky in a layer of fog so thick no starlight can shine through. From the rift, an old horror emerges — Baron Nashor, the monster that took Janna's teammates from her.  The monster they died to save her from.

 

Baron Nashor roars loud enough to make their ears ring, spits a vile green acid that leaves welts where it touches their skin.  It's huge, it's powerful, and it's too much for them to handle. Lux, Lulu, Poppy, they're not ready for this; they're too inexperienced — just like Janna was that day.  And without Jinx, without a full team, they'll never be strong enough to defeat it.

 

Janna must be foolish, because she doesn’t stop them from trying anyway.  They hit the creature with everything they've got, defending when it goes on the offensive.  The only grace they're given in this battle is the sluggishness of Baron Nashor's movements, how easily telegraphed that makes its attacks.  Between Janna and Lulu, they're able to shield the worst of it. They're tiring fast though and the Baron shows no sign of weakening, no indication that the hits they land on it even hurt.

 

A particularly strong attack knocks them to their knees, the shield flickering as it fails to bear the brunt of the blast.  They can't go on like this. They're draining themselves and soon they'll having nothing left to fight back with. Janna stares into the maw of the beast, where vivid green light begins to coalesce.  She wonders if this is the last thing her fallen teammates saw.

 

And that's when it hits her.  Perhaps this is the reason she survived, perhaps this is why her teammates laid down their lives so that she might live.  An eerie calmness settles over Janna as she finally understands. She won’t let the new Guardians die. She’ll lay down her life to save them, so they might come back stronger, strong enough to defeat this thing.

 

The Baron rears its ugly head, all twelve eyes fixed on the team as it poises itself to unleash its attack.  Her teammates take a step back, instinctively raising their arms above their heads even though they know it won't save them.  Janna alone steps forward. Her grip on her staff tightens, mirroring the tension that coils in her muscles.

 

A hiss leaves the Baron’s lesser mouths, a warning of the destruction it's about to unleash.  Janna digs deep within herself to gather her magic, to concentrate every last drop of cosmic power.  She may not glow as bright as she once did, but she is still a star, and the force of her supernova will be enough to drive the Baron back into the Void.

 

_Orianna_ , she thinks, _Thresh, Varus, I'm coming to you.  I'll see you soon, my dear friends_.  She braces herself for the attack, waiting for the right moment to set herself ablaze.  It doesn’t come. Where there should be bright green light, there is instead glittering red that collides with the Baron and sends its massive head reeling back.

 

"Miss me?" Jinx asks, fixing them with a cheeky grin.

 

* * *

  
Together they’re strong enough to force Baron Nashor to retreat.  The purple fog dissipates, leaving a clear night sky in its wake. The stars twinkle down upon them, brighter than usual as if in thanks for their service.

 

Lux wastes no time in throwing herself into Jinx’s arms.  “You came back,” she says, her voice wavering as if she might burst into tears at any moment.

 

Jinx winks playfully.  “Couldn’t let you have all the fun.”  She offers Lux a soft smile, and whispers something in a voice too quiet for Janna to hear.  Lux does burst into tears then. She buries her face in Jinx’s chest. Jinx holds her like she’s something precious.

 

Watching them feels like an intrusion.  Janna turns away and looks up, eyes drawn to the star-shrine of her fallen comrades.  She vows to grow strong enough to defeat the beast that stole their lives, in the hope they might find peace.

 

“What are you looking at?” Lulu asks, with a sorrow in her voice that suggests she might already know the answer.  She’s watching Janna curiously. Poppy is sat beside her, polishing her hammer.

 

Janna points her finger towards the sky, and watches as Lulu's gaze follows, settling on the gap between two constellations.  She’s not ready to open up the well of her grief just yet, but she will share this secret.

 

"There,” she says, “between Taurus and Aries.  That's Astraea."

 

That night, in her dreams, five lights dance as one.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Janna but I also love suffering _sobs_  
>  Prompt me on [tumblr](http://foxieafic.tumblr.com)!


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